Don’t be fooled by the idea that insecure men only consists of those that hide away from challenges, seeking isolation than engaging in social interaction, lacking intimate relationships, and other stereotypical traits associated with them. As a man, I’ve had my fair share of experiences with other male friends who suffer from insecurity. But a lot of them portrayed behaviors deemed as “confidence”, when in closer inspection, was just an attempt to alleviate the sense of insecurity they had.
There was this one guy who was in the same class as me back in high school, who I’ll be calling as Guy A, who behaved in a way that most people, especially the girls, would consider confident. He was outgoing, talkative, and overall a seemingly open person. But there was something about him that caught my attention. This same guy would often do things that “puts other guys down” in the eyes of everybody, especially to the girls, in order to make himself look more dominant and more “manly”. Guy A would boast that he was physically stronger by carrying other guys in his arms, without their consent, in front of all the girls. Not only did this embarrass the other guys in the class, the girls started seeing him as somewhat hot and attractive. This is just one of the things Guy A did to make himself “look good”, but at the expense of other guys.
Guy A could fool a lot of people, but one of the people he couldn’t fool was me. Why? Because I, too, was insecure. I understood his behavior and actions, and the latter’s intentions behind them. Because he probably looked down on himself, he was afraid others would look down on him, as well. So he tried to alleviate his insecurities by taking on the “hot guy” persona and pushing other guys down the cliff to allow himself to stand at the top alone. Did this work? Well, if his intentions were to become an “alpha male” and grab all of the girls’ attention, then yeah. High school were the days where a lot of young girls fell for jerks and bullies because they thought these were the ones who will “protect” them (even though those are the ones they needed protection from). However, if Guy A’s intention was to feel good about himself, than it probably didn’t work. It may have made him feel good, yes, but only for a while. Putting other people down to make yourself feel good doesn’t work because you’re not trying to solve the problem, you’re just trying to alleviate the symptoms of the problem.
I was very insecure back then, as well. However, unlike him, I didn’t use other guys to make myself feel and look good. I knew the problem was within me, not outside. Unfortunately though, it seemed that Guy A didn’t share the same perspective as I did. He thought he could alleviate his insecurities by showing off to the girls and making himself more dominant than other guys. To put it in a better way, he was obsessed with “looking manly” rather than actually “being manly”.
Remember, a gentleman isn’t just a gentleman towards women, they’re a gentleman towards other men, as well. The fact that Guy A was obsessed with looking manly proved that he actually didn’t feel manly. He was insecure of himself and was afraid of other guys becoming more dominant than he was. Thus, stepping on other guys to eliminate any potential competition. Whatever caused his insecurity to begin with is beyond me. But the reason behind a toxic behavior doesn’t really matter, it doesn’t justify it nor does it excuse it. It is still not okay. So next time you see a man who loves to “show off” and puts other men down to make himself look dominant in front of the women, just look at them with pity. Take care, readers.
